A little nothing about birthdays

For my 15th birthday, I got a top CD station. I had very few CD's at the time and I chose one of them and had it playing on repeat. I think Angie - Rolling Stones was my anniversary song that year. A few days later I threw a party but my actual birthday had already happened under the magic of the Rolling Stones: "with no loving in our souls and no money in our clothes, you can say we're satisfied".

As the years went by, adulthood stroke: more things to worry about, more details to be planned, less satisfaction, or, as the same Rolling stones tuned, "I can get no satisfaction". That would not be true... Many meaningful occasions came along and, with them, many beautiful birthdays. Although; if I had to pick one, I think Rome was the best.

Furthermore, I could not say that I am one of those people who hate their own birthdays. No, not at all. Why be a hypocrite? I love presents and surprises and, quite luckily, I had a bunch of those. As for the spotlight, I think I can live with it from time to time :) I love words as well. I love the fact that it is the single occasion of the year when others dare to confess why you (and not the entire humanity as it is the case on the New Year's Eve) are special to them. In spite of all that, I definetely am one of those people who always have this "saudade" around their birthdays, this unexplained blues, this ultimate hesitation.

Because it is the time when you have to face it. The age/aging, that too... But, mostly, who is that person who you have turned into? How was your year? How true are you to yourself? Have you evolved? Who are the persons you can turn to? Who are those who are still around you? Do they give you the love and attention you longed for? Do you give them the treatment they are entitled to? Did you fulfill your dreams? Have you made the most of it? Do you like the person in the mirror? And questions change, essentially resting the same, as years go by.

Two years ago I was stucked up with preparatives. Last year, rather fortunately, I had very little time to give it a real thought. This year, I have plenty. Plenty of time that I'd rather use in any other way...

I crave illusion as others crave cocaine, I must have read it somewhere. But there is not many left in stock for the year to come.

By the way, there are very few meaningful surprises you can actually have for your birthday. And what if the best of them will never occur?